Discovery
In 1770 Thomas Cook’s cruise ships stumbled on Sydney Opera House, which was lucky as the ship’s cabaret, Van Dieman’s Band, had the night off.
Transportation
When anyone in Britain was sentenced to death, they were given the chance to start a new life in Australia instead. Due to congestion at the gallows, many had to settle for Australia.
Roos
What the colonists used to steal land from the Aborigines.
Dreamtime
The only time they get their land back.
Burke and Wills
Grave robbers who got lost in Melbourne cemetery and didn’t turn up again until they wandered into Queensland.
The Outback
Or, if you’re facing the other way, the Infront.
Sydney Harbour Bridge
Man with a very silly name.
Adelaide
Sydney’s wife.
Bondi beach
Sandy area where sunbathers dress in leather, chains, and whips.
Bush Tucker
Character from the Australian version of Grange Hill.
Crocodile Dundee
Dangerous teatime treat.
Cobber
Australian policeman.
Bruce
What Australians get when they fall over.
Don Bradman
Head of the Aussie mafia. Became a cricketer. Umpires would be too scared of waking up next to a wombat’s head that they would never give him out.
Kookaburra
Where kooka lives.
Advance Australia Fair
Now discredited policy of weeding out dark haired children by sending them to picnics beneath hanging rocks.
Down Under
Where the dark-haired children ended up.
Bark paintings
Artwork by dingos.
Conclusion
Modern Australia began as a colony for criminals. Their descendants have gone on to produce Neighbours, Home and Away, and Flying Doctors. Some things never change.
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